Day 1496: "One Word"

Day 1496: "One Word"

There is a word on here I haven't used. Or if I did it was in sarcasm, it has been on purpose. I don't like this word. It really sets me off when it comes to cancer. I had planned on not even typing about it but I can't, something is weighing heavily on me, because of this one damn word.

A great buddy from college, isn't doing very well, last week he took a "leave of absence" from his job in Southern Minnesota. He went to see the Minnesota Wild (lose) last Sunday in the playoffs. 

But it was a text from yesterday that set all of us off:

Text:

"<Our Buddy> is going into hospice tonight."

Me: <gasp>

There is the word.

Hospice.

The end stage. Out of options. 

SHIT.

I realize a part of life is death, another topic I have avoided on here, on purpose. For you armchair or professional psychologist, no it isn't avoidance or acceptance. That would be easy.

If that was me phase:

"Hey, it's life, deal with it."

My advocacy would end then, I wouldn't volunteer any more hours, I would play ping pong or be on FB documenting my every move instead.

But I can't and the very reason is for people like my buddy.

Another one to hit home for me, he's 53, two girls, a wonderful wife/life.

So, three of us are meeting. We asked the family/wife if it is okay, if there is ever a time to be 'mindful' it is now. 

Patients are different.

Family members are different.

Some patients do not want people to see them when they are in hospice. What's wrong with that? It's their wish.

Some family members do not want to see their loved ones in hospice and will not visit.

I was at a funeral, I won't say when, where the pastor went on and on about each and every person in the room saying goodbye.  There were two obvious family members left out because they chose not to be there when the last breaths were taken.

I didn't like they were singled out like that, people can easily read between the lines.

A few days ago, while I was on the phone talking to another buddy about our mutual friend, Janice interrupted and said, "I just had a dream last night that <mutual friend> drove up to say goodbye to you."

Me: <gasp>

I told my buddy on the phone what she said, he had the same reaction.

Then, last night, Janice was pretty close.

There will be three of us meeting up today, to say our goodbyes, all of us 6' 1"+ and 200+ lbs and there may be some puddles when we leave. Tears of laughter. Tears of sadness.

Hospice.

We couldn't do anything for yet another one of our family members or friends?

Come on United States, lead the way, and finish a war for once, the War on Cancer, started in 1971, still going, millions dead.

No humor section. Not feeling it.

Hospice.

I hate that word, second in line, right after cancer.